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John Smith

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Cat Definitions Aquarium: interactive television for cats. Cat: 1. a lapwarmer with a built-in buzzer. 2. a four footed allergen. 3. a small, four-legged, fur-bearing extortionist. 4. a small, furry lap fungus. 5. a treat-seeking missile. 6. a wildlife control expert. 7. one who sleeps in old, empty pizza boxes. 8. a hair relocation expert. 9. an unprogrammable animal. Cataclysm: any great upheaval in a cat's life. Catatonic: a feline medicinal drink. Caterpillar: a soft scratching post for a cat. Cat Scan: to look for a new cat. Dog: a cat's device for running practice. Door: something a cat always wants to be on the other side of. Energy: the element of vitality cats always have an oversupply of until you try to play with them. Human: an automatic door opener for cats. Impurrsonate: to act like the cat. Kitten: a small homicidal muffin on legs; affects human sensibilities to the point of endowing the most wanton and ruthless acts of destruction with near-mythical overtones of cuteness. Not recommended for beginners. Get at least two. Purrade: an organised march of cats. Purradise: the garden of Cats. Purramour: a cat lover. Purranoia: the fear that your cat is up to something. Purraphernalia: a cat's personal belongings. Purrch: any favoured feline napping spot. Purrchase: anything bought for a cat. Purrfume: the scent of an open can of tuna. Purrgatory: a houseful of kittens. Purrmission: a feline hunting expedition. Purrpetual: everlasting feline love. Purrplex: a house with two or more cats. Purrson: a male kitten. Purrsuit: the garment your shedding cat rubs against just as you are leaving home to go to an important meeting. Purrverse: a poem about a wicked kitty. Tooraloorailurophobia: an irrational fear of Irish cats. Tuner: sonar-like device in cat food that causes cats to appear. Yawn: a cat's honest opinion openly expressed